


Oh boy (it's a toy)

by BoomerangChicken



Series: The Thin Thread [2]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Awkwardness, Comedy, Crack, Dai-nana-han | Team 7 as Family (Naruto), F/M, Fluff, Gen, Holidays, Humor, M/M, Presents, Sex Toys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-16
Updated: 2021-01-16
Packaged: 2021-03-16 19:14:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,670
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28711839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BoomerangChicken/pseuds/BoomerangChicken
Summary: Kakashi smiled beneath his mask and offered the box in his hand to Naruto."Here, open my gift next."Naruto reached out and accepted the small box with an excited noise."Ooh, what is it?"There was barely-restrained glee in Kakashi's voice."I got you boys.. a toy!"Sasuke noted Kakashi's delighted tone with worry, looking at the size and shape of the box in Naruto's hands, realization crossing over the Uchiha's face slowly."... oh god."
Relationships: Hatake Kakashi/Umino Iruka, Uchiha Sasuke/Uzumaki Naruto
Series: The Thin Thread [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2110113
Comments: 15
Kudos: 133





	Oh boy (it's a toy)

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you giggle and snort as much as I did. 😂
> 
> This is set directly after the end of the last chapter of I'm too young to feel this old, though it's not necessary to read that to understand this deranged nugget

Quiet chatter and conversation filled Naruto's apartment.

Naruto let out a happy giggle as he opened Sakura's gift.

He lifted the Walrus sleeping cap out of the box, pulling it onto his head for a test fit.

The blond turned his pleased grin towards Sakura.

"It's a perfect fit!"

Sakura giggled, smiling back at her friend.

"I remembered you saying Mr. Walrus was getting pretty worn-out, so.."

"I love it, Sakura. Thank you!"

He turned his head to look at Sasuke, who was sat directly beside him.

"What do you think of the new Mr. Walrus, babe?"

Sasuke raised an eyebrow as he looked over the cap.

"... I've said it before, and I'll say it again, I don't know what kind of ungodly creature that is supposed to be, but it's no walrus."

Naruto huffed.

"It _is_ a walrus!"

Sasuke stared at him.

"... It looks like a mutant, buck-toothed bear-dog, who is obviously very traumatized about something."

Naruto pouted.

Sasuke didn't take his eyes off the hat.

"... it looks like something Orochimaru would create-"

"Okay! I get it."

Kakashi smiled beneath his mask and offered the box in his hand to Naruto, leaning out of his seat next to the couch.

"Here, open my gift next."

Naruto reached out and accepted the small box with an excited noise.

"Ooh, what is it?"

There was barely-restrained glee in Kakashi's voice.

"I got you boys.. a toy!"

Sasuke noted Kakashi's delighted tone with worry, looking at the size and shape of the box in Naruto's hands, realization crossing over the Uchiha's face slowly.

"... oh god."

Naruto smiled at his sensei as he pulled off the tape holding the box together, beginning to lift the lid off.

"A toy? Like an action-figure? Or a collectible- _oh my god."_

Naruto's eyes went wide at the sight of a thick, orange, silicone cock laying in the box.

Sasuke looked at it with equally wide, horrified eyes from his spot next to the blond.

Kakashi spoke.

"Well, not a collectible, per se, but it _is_ new-in-box."

Their sensei chuckled.

"Some things, you just don't re-gift, y'know?"

The chuckle tapered off into a sigh.

"I'm not making that mistake twice..."

Sakura leaned over and peeked into the box interestedly.

Naruto slammed the lid back on the box quickly.

" _What_ _is this?!!"_

Kakashi pointed to the box.

"That.. is a lot of fun. _Trust me."_

Naruto's mind was assaulted by the imagery of his sensei using the thick, orange, silicone.. gift.

_"Oh. My. God."_

Kakashi gave a little shrug.

"I mean, if you don't want to take my opinion on it, you can ask Iruka what he thought-"

Naruto flailed and made a stuttering gibberish noise.

"Please!! _Stop."_

Kakashi blinked.

"... well, he said _"don't stop",_ but-"

Naruto let out a pained groan.

"And you said it anyways.."

Tsunade leaned over and snagged the box off of the Uzumaki's lap, lifting the lid off and looking over the contents.

"I've actually got one just like this, except mine has the bit on the top that works the cli-"

Naruto and Sakura both flailed, their frenzied pleas being spoken over one another.

The Hokage rolled her eyes.

"You two are being ridiculous."

Shizune's mouth gaped open in shock as she looked inside the box, her legs snapping shut and startling Ton-Ton awake from the piglet's spot in her lap.

The oven dinged and Naruto practically leapt up from his seat, walking off with a relieved sigh.

Tsunade shook her head and sat the box on the table in front of her.

Jiraiya glanced over at Tsunade, eyeing his fellow San-nin.

  
"That chair you're on looks awfully uncomfortable, Tsunade. Are you sure you wouldn't be happier sitting on my lap?"

  
Sakura and Shizune both let out quiet groans, but Tsunade quirked an eyebrow at her old teammate.

  
"As much as I appreciate the offer, I don't think that chair you're in is capable of supporting you, me, and your massive ego."

  
Jiraiya nodded along easily.

  
"Well, I don't think the massive part of me that would be getting in your way if you sat in my lap would be my ego, but, eh.."

Naruto took a bracing breath as he walked back over, setting a tray of Kunai-shaped cookies on the table.

"Okay, I know they're hot, but please, stop talking, take a bite, just, put _something_ in your mouths."

Kakashi reached for the gift-box laid on the table.

"Well..-"

Naruto threw up an accusing finger at his sensei.

_"Not that!!"_

Kakashi leaned back into his seat, batting his hands at Naruto in a mollifying manner.

Jiraiya furrowed his eyebrows as he looked at the cookies on the table.

"Are these... penis-cookies?"

Naruto swung his head around with a bewildered expression.

"What??! No! They're _kunai!!"_

Jiraiya gave a long stare towards the cookies before he looked back at the blond.

".. are you sure?"

Naruto rubbed at the bridge of his nose.

"... yes. I am sure that I did not bake penis-cookies."

Tsunade eyed the cookies curiously.

"I don't know, Naruto..."

The Uzumaki whimpered and drug his hand down his face.

Tsunade shrugged.

"Look, all I'm saying is, when it comes to penises and kunai, I have seen my fair share of both.."

Jiraiya and Kakashi spoke simultaneously.

"Same."

"Same."

Kakashi pointed at Jiraiya with an amused laugh.

Sakura rubbed at her forehead with a sigh.

Naruto blinked at Tsunade for several long seconds.

"I don't.. I don't even..."

There was a crunch as Jiraiya took a bite of a cookie.

He chewed and spoke.

"Well, it doesn't _taste_ like penis."

Naruto's eyebrow twitched.

The blond looked at Sasuke with a desperate expression.

The Uchiha's mouth hung open a little as he searched for words.

"... I.. _did_ say that your cooking was improving, so.."

Naruto's eyebrow twitch intensified, the blond reaching a hand up to hold it still.

Jiraiya held out a cookie towards the blond.

"Naruto, try a bite. Do _you_ think they taste like penis?"

The Uzumaki spoke through gritted teeth.

_"I trust your opinion on this."_

Jiraiya nodded, bringing the cookie back to his mouth to take a bite before he paused and looked back at Naruto.

"... did you just call me a slut?"

There was a knock on the door and Naruto walked away with a grateful sigh.

"I just hope that's someone here to kill me.."

Naruto opened the door, Iruka adjusting his scarf in the hallway outside.

His old teacher smiled wide.

"Hey, Naruto!"

Iruka stepped up and wrapped his arms around the blond.

Naruto returned the hug, squeezing tightly with a grin.

"Hi, Iruka-sensei."

Iruka tightened the embrace, patting Naruto on the back as he loosened his arms and stepped back.

"Sorry I'm late, I got caught up in some paperwork at the school."

"Ah that's okay, we figured you had something keeping you busy."

Iruka shivered and walked inside, the blond shutting the door behind them.

"So, what did I miss?"

Naruto winced at the reminder of what awaited them in the living room.

"Not so much "missed", but more "was spared from"..."

Iruka slipped off his gloves, letting out a confused "huh?" as they walked into the living room.

Kakashi waved happily.

"Iruka-bae!"

Iruka smiled and felt heat flush his cheeks.

"Hi, 'Kashi-boo."

Sasuke's eyebrows knitted together as he mouthed "Kashi-boo" silently to himself.

Iruka opened his mouth to speak before he paused at the sight of the cookies on the table.

"... are those penis-cookies?"

Naruto let out a frustrated grumble.

Iruka looked back at the blond curiously as Kakashi spoke.

"Don't worry, 'Ruka, he's been fussy ever since I gave him his gift."

Iruka's eyes narrowed confusedly.

"What gift?"

Tsunade slid the box across the table, Iruka bending down to lift the lid off of it.

The dark-haired teacher dropped the lid back into place and aimed a scandalized look at his boyfriend.

"Agh, Kakashi!"

The Copy-Ninja blinked innocently.

"Whaaat?"

Iruka sighed deeply.

"Did you learn nothing from the last debacle with Genma and Raidou?"

Kakashi waved a hand in dismissal.

"Ahhh, I still think they overreacted.."

The grey-haired shinobi gave a befuddled shrug.

"But when it comes to Naruto and Sasuke, it seemed like the perfect gift. It's orange, it's the deluxe version, and I wanted to get them something they'd use a lot, so-"

Naruto let out an offended squawk.

"A lot??! Hey, I'll have you know-"

Kakashi pointed at Naruto warningly.

"Ah! Don't you even try and tell that lie with a straight face, boy.."

Naruto stuttered and choked, settling into a chastised silence after a moment.

Kakashi nodded in satisfaction.

"Mmhmm, like I thought.."

Sasuke held his head in his hands.

"This is wrong in so many ways..."

Iruka rolled his eyes, turning to look at the Uzumaki.

"I am sorry, Naruto, I had no idea that was his gift. But.."

He laughed sheepishly and rubbed at his neck.

"I mean, it does feel pretty amazi-"

Naruto went wide-eyed and slack-jawed as he stared at his teacher.

Iruka winced and cut off his words quickly.

"... ooh yeah, okay, that was.. that was probably TMI."

Naruto gestured somewhat wildly.

"Ya think??"

Sakura spoke up hesitantly.

"Well.. if... if you don't want it, I could...."

She quieted suddenly as every eye in the room turned to look at her.

Sakura cleared her throat, shaking her head as her cheeks turned the same color as her hair.

Naruto gave a slightly deranged chuckle.

"Yes, please, take it."

He gave the gift a little shove to send it across the table, the blond startling back as the box began vibrating along the wood.

The room went silent aside from the buzzing of the vibrations and crunching as Jiraiya chewed on a cookie contemplatively.

After a moment, the older man spoke.

"... okay, now I want one."

Naruto's distressed wail startled the birds settled on a tree branch outside, their wings flapping quickly as they flew off.

Kakashi's tone was smug.

"See? You haven't even used it yet and it's already made you scream."

**Author's Note:**

> So, I was inspired to write this after getting the visual of Kakashi giving Nart and Sas a vibrator as a present when working on my last chapter 😄 and also.. I realized I forgot Iruka, y'all 🙈 he was supposed to be in the last chapter, but I only remembered after I had posted it, so... sorry, Ruka
> 
> I hope you enjoyed it! If you have a free moment, I love hearing what y'all thought of it or seeing your fave lines and moments <3


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